Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Fun and Prophet

This post and associated links have been rendered invalid by the demise of Air America Radio. It will remain here in memory of what once was. Please see the original version of The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus here. UPDATE: Watch the video on YouTube.

In this video, The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus, Dorsey Shaw brings the incredible collaboration of Al Franken and Don Simpson to further life. If you find the title to be sacrilegious, watch the whole thing before you judge. This is a fine piece of political humor which skewers self-serving posers. It's quite touching at the end.

The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus

A Really Funny Email

My own mother sent me this email. I think it represents some of the best things about forwarded emails.


I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Boxed In

This really happened today represented here, in real time:

@OnOneCondition Oh noes. Audio ads on Pandora. What sort of pestilential evil will come out next? #It'sAllGreekToMe twitter

@OnOneCondition http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora twitter

@OnOneCondition Apparently, Pandora heard that rhetorical question, and gave a totally non-rhetorical answer, "Debbie Gibson" twitter

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Grand Canyon

Thanks to Ken Burns' The National Parks, Americas Best Idea I heard this great quote that I wanted to share.

If I were an American, I should make my remembrance of it the final test of men, art and policies. I should ask myself: Is this good enough to exist in the same country as the Canyon? How would I feel about this man, this kind of art, these political measures, if I were near the Rim? Every member of the Federal Government should remind himself with triumphant pride, that he is on the staff of the Grand Canyon.

J.B Priestly, Midnight on the Desert, 1937

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Earth Day!

How strange is it that this pin is not made from recycled materials?
We're planting trees today. Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Twitter Suicide Posts

On April 10th, a Twitter user began "unfollowing" everyone and deleting all of his tweets (posts) except for these tweets that he made that evening:

1) Have you ever been driving a car and suddenly realize you have no idea where you are or how you got there? My life is like that.

2) April showers bring May flowers. I was foolish to wait. If only I had showered her with April flowers things may have gone differently.

3) Dear Holy Trinity, If you are omniscient then Jesus committed suicide. So can people who commit suicide go to heaven?I’m asking for me

4) Of all the lives I've lived, I'll miss this one the most.


The imagery on the profile, including a leafless tree used as an avatar, pointed to an ominous conclusion. The user ceased all public communication after that. For hours, much of the Twitter community was deeply concerned about the well-being of this person. Many of us contacted everyone we could to try to find this user and check on his safety. Another twitter user, who appears to be his wife was located. Eventually, she responded that everything was alright and placed the blame for the incident on her husband's theatrics. To her credit, she thanked the community for their concern. His account no longer exists.

Many users were involved in trying to help this person and they should know that they have demonstrated a great deal of character in their actions. They should remember that people who show signs, such as these, of needing help must get it quickly.

Some have deleted the history of their communication from that day. It is assumed that they prefer to move on. This is understandable, but moving on is not forgetting. I hope that none of them were involved directly in the “joke” and simply found it easier to erase the record of their actions.

I have since learned that this is not an isolated incident and that suicide has been threatened via tweets before, but the callous disregard for the consequences in this case seems to be unique. A lesson to be taken from this is that you can't always take Twitter seriously. This is a lesson that we have learned about the rest of the internet already, and is part of what makes Twitter entertaining.

I know that my family's experience with suicide makes this more important to me than it may be to someone else. My concern is that, because of this incident, someday someone who is truly in need of help will not be taken seriously.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Revising Theatrical History

I remember it vividly. I was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, so I slipped, fell, hit my head on the sink, and when I came to... I had a vision! A revelation! A picture in my head! A picture of this... The Y-Chromosome night-light!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Tortured Analogy

Here's another way of looking at the hypothetical torture fallacy.


Quick! There's a fire on your stove. You are certain that the only way to keep your house from burning down is to throw gas on the fire.

Are you nuts?

Somalian Piracy, Captain Phillips and the Politics of Crisis

My thoughts and well wishes are with Captain Phillips of the cargo ship Maersk Alabama and his family. Phillips was taken hostage yesterday during an attempt to pirate the vessel that was thwarted by the crew. I find it disheartening that people are so quick to label the president's restraint in commenting as inaction. This comes even as the events are still unfolding. The navy is working to resolve the matter. I am grateful for their efforts and appreciate that they are bringing in law enforcement expertise from the FBI as this is a criminal matter. The administration, in refraining from comment may actually be aiding the navy's efforts.

To be fair, secrecy has not always served us well in the past, but neither has a rush to action from the White House. Both of these strategies were defended in the past by some of the same pundits who now raise objections. This is an ongoing issue that will hopefully be the recipient of more informed awareness as it strikes closer to home. This site offers some historical perspective in the form of a timeline of Somalian piracy since November of 2006:
http://www.planetdata.net/sites/maritime/timelines.php?timeline=2

This is nearing a conclusion, one way or another. As the pirate's lifeboat runs out of gas, maybe the wind will go out of the critics' sails. I'm not holding my breath.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Yet Another Email That Deserves to Die

About a week ago, my aunt asked for my view of this email which has been floating around in various forms for awhile. I wrote this response and have since been pointed to other responses that could be subject to the very same criticisms I voiced. It may be viewed as a waste of time to treat these rants seriously, but it felt good to ignore the obvious dishonest and baiting aspects and to treat this as a literary exercise, however verbose it may be.

My opinion is not of consequence in relation to this email. The color grey cannot be described to someone who only sees black and white as the author of this divisive rant appears to be. Maybe, red, blue and purple are more accurate metaphors. If there is a person who feels exactly as the person he describes, and I am not sure there is, I don't know if they would be capable of taking offense. Otherwise, this painting of "everyone but me" as a ridiculously out of touch extremist only serves to make the author and the like-minded reader feel superior.
My straightforward critique is that this email is far too didactic to be considered as effective rhetoric for all but a select few, although some mighty big historical aberrations have occurred as a result of words that were much less inflammatory. To be fair, if the intended effect is absurdist hyperbole, this is quite successful and could be viewed as humorous or laughable.

That's my view as requested,

Brian

Xenophobia on the Rise?

Lou Dobbs, uptick in nativism groups, "evil alien horde" movies and increasing anti-hispanic hate crimes. Are the current economic and political conditions making xenophobia worse, or am I overanalyzing?